


The Misadventures of Castiel

by SatanTwinz_8



Series: Castiel's Mishaps [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Batman - Freeform, Crack, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Funny, Kaiba - Freeform, Lucifer - Freeform, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, chuck shurley - Freeform, crowley - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-01 09:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5200541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanTwinz_8/pseuds/SatanTwinz_8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of gut busting adventures awaits the angel known as Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cas plays Basketball

Dean sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Cas walked in as Dean was watching a basketball game.  
“What are you doing Dean?” Cas asked.  
“I’m watching the basketball game,” Dean replied.  
“What is ‘basketball?’” Cas asked.  
“It’s a game,” Dean explained. Dean got up and shut off the TV.  
“Come on Cas, I’m gonna teach you basketball,” Dean said as he walked to the closet. Dean looked around for a bit and found a basketball in the closet. He then walked out the bunker door  
“Ok Cas, now here’s your first lesson, take this ball and throw it in the hoop” Dean instructed.  
“Why” Cas replied.  
“Because that’s how you score points,” Dean said.  
“Why do I need to score points? Dean I don’t see the point of this game,” Cas said as he aimed for the hoop. Dean sighed.  
“Ok Cas look, the point of this game is to-”  
*A WILD SHAQUILLE O’ METATRON APPEARS*  
“Brotha I’m gonna teach ya the ways,” Shaq o’ tron said as he tapped Cas’s forehead with this index and middle fingers. Cas’s eyes glowed blue and a feeling of determination set in to him.  
The next day Dean woke up and saw Cas shooting hoops. He had been there all night.  
“What are you doing Cas? Have you been here all night?” Dean asked.  
“I’m training to join the NBA,” Cas replied as he scored a three pointer.  
“Why do you need to join the NBA?” Dean inquired.  
“To become like my mentor, the great Shaquille o’ Metatron,” Cas answered as he ran across the court.  
“... Just, WHAT!?1??!?!?1??!!?!?!?!?!1!11?1?!1” Dean screamed. Suddenly Cas vanished into thin air. Cas reappeared at a basketball stadium for a basketball team.  
“I would like to join the basketball team” Cas said to the ticket vendor.  
“Wouldn’t we all,” the ticket vendor said boredly. “that’ll be 45 dollars”  
“For what?” Cas asked.  
“A ticket,” the ticket vendor replied  
“Forget that!” Cas said as he vanished into the stadium.  
“And number 44 has the ball! He shoots, he- What’s this? A fan in a trench coat appears to have appeared on the court! He’s stolen the ball from 44 and is now flying across the court, literally FLYING! He’s heading towards the other hoop. Oh oh oh! SLAM DUNK!” The announcer continued to narrate the game as is. Suddenly police officers bursted out onto the court.  
“Castiel!” the officer shouted as he drew an angel blade “What are you doing!”  
“I am scoring points by shooting the ball in the hoop to win the game” Cas replied cooly as he scored another shot. The angel ran towards Cas and attempted to stab him. Cas grabbed his angel blade with one hand and dribbled the ball with the other. Cas then stabbed the blade through the ball and passed it to the attacking angel. The blade hit him in the face and he fell on the spot. Cas then grabbed the ball and scored 30 more points for the Donuts. He had won the game. Later that day Dean sat in the lounge of the bunker and flipped on the news.  
“There seems to have been an attack at Cheese Wheel stadium. A caucasian male in a trench coat appeared during the middle of the Donuts v Great Mice game. an officer attempted to stop the attacker, but he was killed by the basketball. The attacker later scored enough points to win the game for the Donuts.” The TV announcer continued to talk but Dean was already out the door.  
*Batman transition card*  
“Cas what were you thinking!?!” Dean screeched as he slapped Cas awake.  
“I, I don’t know what just happened” Cas replied groggily  
*Shaquille o’ Metatron Appears again*  
“Good job Castiel,” Shaq o’Tron said.  
“Thank you,” Cas replied  
“Neither of you will remember this,” Shaq o’ Tron said.  
“Hey buddy I don’t know who you think you are but you’re not touchin me” Dean growled. Dean and Cas both froze. Shaq o’ Tron proceeded to touch both of their foreheads with his middle and index finger. He then whisked them and the Impala back to the bunker.

 

Lucifer: That’s a wrap!  
Chuck: *groans on the floor* Get off my writing computer  
Lucifer: C’mon pops how about I run the world for a bit  
Chuck: *groans* You’re lucky this body is human. *passes out*  
Lucifer *cackles evilly* What else can I do to my dear friend Castiel? 

 

To be Continued . . .


	2. Cas buys a Hotdog

Cas woke to the smell of meat frying, the various nature sounds, such as birds chirping, leaves rustling in the wind, shotguns, and the call of a rooster. Cas got up from the bed and put on his clothes. He walked out of the room.  
“Dean what is that smell” Cas said as he stepped down the last steps.  
“HOTDOGS AND CLAM CHOWDER FOR BREAKFAST WHEEEEEW!!!!!!!” Dean shouted at the top of his lungs.  
“What” is a ‘hotdog’” Cas asked.  
“ITS MEAT FORM BASICALLY ANYTHING STUFFED IN A SKIN YUMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” Dean screamed. “THE BEST ARE IN NEW YAK SITYYYYYYYYYY” (I am using New Yak Sity because I dont want to get sued thx)  
“I must go see this New Yak Sity.” Cas grunted as he vanished into thin air. He then reappeared in New Yak Sity. He walked around the small village until he found a vendor selling hotdogs.”I want a hotdog” Cas said. “I am willing to pay any price to try this marvelous creation.”  
“Ferst dag eh mahboy?” the vendor said as he slapped that fresh dog onto a hawt bun (ooooooo yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)  
“Thank you” Cas said as he paid the vendor. He took his first bite of hotdog. He then loved it so much he ate the rest in one bite.  
ONE MINUTE LATER  
Cas had gone into a deep state of synesthesia. His gall bladder had turned into a cherry ice pop and his heart pumped out root beer instead of blood. A unicorn pranced across his vision.  
“Hello Castiel,” the unicorn said as it pranced up to Cas. “Let’s go for a ride!” Cas mounted the unicorn and drew his rock candy sword. He charged into battle.  
“FOR THE ORDER OF THE GREEN HOTDOGGGGGGGGGGGGG!” Cas yelled as he charged his opponent. Cas sliced the head of the donut man clean off. Cas dismounted his unicorn and knelt by the donut man.   
”I’m sorry but the small asian man screaming about cabbages over there forced me to do it,” Cas said as he sprinkled fairy dust on the beheaded donut man. Cas then got up and stepped onto the spaceship to Mars. He would be the first kale leaf in space. He loved space. He flipped controls and slipped into his spacesuit. The rocket launched.   
“WHEEEEEEEEE!” Cas whooped as his kale leafiness shook from the force of the launch. He then travelled out of orbit. Months passed. The voyage to Mars was a long one. Cas’s kale leafiness would have turned brown if not for the Water-Maker9001! The shuttle touched down on Mars. Cas hopped out of the rocket and rolled in the bootyful Mars dirt.  
“Get up we’ve got work to do!” Crowley said as he grabbed Cas by the leafy arm and dragged him up. Cas and Crowley started walking towards a large industrial machine that was aimed over a small pool of water.   
“Cas the last time we became business partners it ended badly but now we are on good terms so here’s what you gotta do. Shake all the bacteria you can into this pool off of your kale form. Then we will RULE POLAND!!!!!!!!!!” Cas proceeded to do as Crowley commanded, then watched as the bacteria quickly reproduced, faster and faster. Then the bacteria became small fish, then big fish, then dinosaurs, then various animals. Then a human was created. Crowley grabbed the human.  
“Ok kid you’re now the president of Poland.” Crowley said as he outfitted the man with a suit. “Your name is Dmitri Tippens Krushnic”  
“Okay” Dmitri said as he climbed into the spaceship.  
“BANG BANG BANG”  
CAS WAKE THE FUCK UP  
GODDAMNIT SAMMY GET ME AN ICEWATER BUCKET  
HURRRYYYYYYYYYY  
GREAT NOW DUMP THE WATER ON HIM  
GOOD JOB NOW CAS WAKE THE FUCK UP  
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG  
DAMMIT SAMMY I JUST EMPTIED A WHOLE CLIP AND HES NOT WAKING UP  
NO I’M NOT GONNA SHOOT HIM HE’LL DIE  
I DON’T CARE IF HES AN ANGEL I’M NOT SHOOTING HIM  
GET ME A SAFETY PIN 

Cas woke up to a sharp pain on his big toe.  
“Why did you do that” Cas whined groggily “I was having a really good dream”  
“BECAUSE THE HOTDOGS AND CLAM CHOWDER IS READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Dean hollered as he banged a pot with a wooden spoon. “WHOOWEEEEE MAH TUMMY’S A GRUMBLIN”  
“YEAAAA WOOOO HOTDOGS AND CLAM CHOWDERRRRRR!!!!!!!” Sam screamed.  
“WOOOOOT!” Cas screamed as he dug in.

 

Lucifer: And that dear readers is why Chuck stopped publishing.  
Chuck: *sipping coffee from a mug with a picture of his face saying “heaven’s number 1 dad”* Lucifer please go back to the cage I need my sleep.  
Lucifer: Hell naw the pizza is too good here. Plus I get to follow my lifelong dream of publishing short stories on Tumblr.  
Chuck: *sigh*


	3. Cas goes Trick-or-Treating

Dean sat at the table in the bunker cutting cloth. He was making a Halloween costume. Cas had never gone Trick-or-Treating, so he was gonna show him what it was like. There, perfect, the costume was complete. Now all Dean had to do was find a witch to turn Cas, Sam and himself into children. Just as Dean was making the final measurements, there was a poof of smoke as Crowley appeared with none other than Rowena.  
“‘Ello Squirrel, got my costume ready?” Crowley said with a grin.  
“Really man, you’re comin’ too? I only asked for a witch, not a fourth member of the party,” Dean growled. “But I suppose since you brought us the witch you can come, you just gotta become a kid.”  
“Ohhhh it’ll be so cute! My darling boy as a wee lad again! Oh my heart is almost melting at the thought!” Rowena cried with almost too much emphasis.  
“Mother, just do the spell. And also you’ll be tied up as soon as you’re done to prevent escaping.” Crowley growled. Rowena sighed and performed a spell to turn them all into ten year olds. They then all pulled on their costumes and went.  
“Do I really have to be a moose,” Sam complained as they headed out.  
“Hey at least you’re not a banana with a name tag,” Dean said.  
“Calm down, I have selected the appropriate attire for all of you,” Cas explained. “Those costumes were the best possible choices.”  
“THEN WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH AM I A FUCKING PINK FAIRY PRINCESS!!!!!!!!!” Crowley screamed. “I DEMAND A NEW COSTUME THIS TUTU IS RIDING UP MY ARSE!!”  
“Chillax Crowley. This was part of the deal in coming with us,” Dean said as he tried to hide his giggles.  
“I still don’t get why Cas is a used car salesman,” Sam said. “Isn’t that what he looks like everyday?”  
“Let’s just go” Cas said as he picked up his pillowcase. “We have alot of ground to cover and not alot of time.” As the night went on their pillowcases started filling up more and more, Cas’s especially. He took it all as a challenge, to get the most candy. Eventually Sam and Dean had been left behind, leaving Cas and Crowley alone together.  
“I swear if one more old hag calls me a transvestite I am going to summon all of the demons in hell to their door to torture them for all eternity.” Crowley grunted as he adjusted his tutu again.  
“What’s that over there? It appears to be a stage. Why are there skeletons there?” Cas asked as he approached the stage in the middle of the street.  
SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS, SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE (song continues)  
NOW A SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU ALL, CANDY!!!!!  
*everyone starts grabbing the candies*  
*cas eats one*  
“Oh my, this candy sure is tasty,” Cas said as he fell to the ground.  
“Maybe I’ll try a piece” Crowley said as he unwrapped the wrapper. Suddenly they both snapped up and started singing Spooky Scary Skeletons. Fireworks shot from their noses and black cats started coming up to them both and dancing on their hind legs. Cas and Crowley both pulled out Yu-Gi-Oh decks and started dueling.  
“Face my Blue-Eyes bitch!” Crowley screamed as he attacked Cas.   
“You’ve waltzed right into my trap, foul heathen!” Cas yelled as he activated a trap. The banter continued. Cas triumphed over Crowley.  
“Ha! You see Kaiba, you lost because you had no faith in the Heart of the Cards.” Cas said in a deep and powerful voice.  
“You won’t beat me next time Yugi!” Crowley said in a slithery silver tongued voice. The person onstage pulled Cas up to the stage.  
“I pronounce you the King of Games!” the announcer cried. “May the odds be ever in your favor!” The announcer walked up to a large ball and pulled out a piece of paper. He read the name off of the paper.  
“Castiel!” he cried. Cas walked up onstage. The announcer walked to the other ball and pulled out another name.   
“Sam Winchester!” Sam timidly began to walk up to the stage.  
“NO SAMMY!” Dean shouted from the audience. “I VOLUNTEER!” Dean began running up the walkway to the stage.  
“I guess we have our contestants. Let the 74th annual Hunger Games begin!” The announcer shouted. Dean and Cas later boarded a train to the Capitol. They went through a rigorous training session. Then the games began. As the games went on Dean and Cas’s romantic interest for each other grew. They won the games together because of love. At the crowning ceremony, the president crowned them both.   
“So what’s next for the star crossed lovers from Kansas?” The announcer asked.  
“I think I’m going to buy a fez.” Cas said. “Yeah. I wear a fez now, fezzes are cool.” Cas adjusted his bow tie. Sam removed his centurion helmet.  
“We’re gonna save Dean.” Sam said as he knelt by Dean’s wounded body. “But how?”  
“Put him in the Pandorica” Cas replied.  
“But how are we gonna protect him?” Sam sobbed  
“You must stay with the Pandorica” Cas said with a stern look. And Sam did just that. He stayed with the box for 2000 years, his wax body keeping him young and strong. Eventually he arrived in the future and Cas saved everyone, at the cost of his life. Later Dean remembered something, even though Cas had been forgotten. Cas flew in with his new Iron Man armor.  
“Please tell me nobody kissed me” Cas said.  
“Don’t ever do that again” Dean said, almost in tears.  
“C’mon guys we gotta save the world from Ultron Metatron” Sam grunted as he hefted his hammer. They went on to save the world and stuff. Then suddenly Cas was shaken awake.  
“Come on sleepyhead it’s time to go home. What were you doing lying in the street?” Dean grunted as he helped Cas up.  
“I just had the strangest dream,” Cas said as he hefted his pillowcase full of candy onto his shoulder.  
“Was it a dream? or is this a dream?” Dean said as he stared deeply into Cas’s eyes, with a mysterious look on his face. “Nah i’m just messin with ya. Cheer up, have a sucker.” Dean reached into his bag and handed Cas a lollipop. They all went home, became adults again and pigged out on candy until they bled sugar.

 

Chuck: You’ve been spending too much time catching up on pop culture.  
Lucifer: It’s just so good! There’s so many stories to tell!  
Chuck: Whatever Metatron  
Lucifer: *displeased stare* I’m not anything like Metatron  
Chuck: *shrugs* Whatever you say.


	4. Cas Adopts a Cat (part 1 of 3 of The Cat Triology)

Cas walked down the busy street of (insert city name here.) As he walked down the corner of (insert street name here) (insert path type here,) he noticed a cat.  
“SOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE” Cas said as his eyes became hearts and the cityscape melted away show just brightly colored lines. “Wait a minute, where are we now?” Cas wondered as he picked up the cat and put it in the pocket of his trench coat, so only the head of the cat poked out. “Let’s go find you some nibbles in this strange place eh kitty?” Cas said as he scratched under the kitten’s head. Cas began walking forward as the kitten purred in his coat.   
Cas and his cat walked forward for a while, then Cas decided to name the cat.  
“What should I name you huh?” Cas said to the cat. “Usually when naming a cat people often go with the physical features of the cat.” Cas examined the cat, a little too thoroughly.   
“You appear to be male, with black fur and a white spot around one eye.” Cas said while scratching the cat’s ears. As Cas was brooding over cat names he came upon a mansion among the vast plains of color.  
“I wonder if anyone’s home,” Cas said as he walked up to the door. The cat curled up into a ball in Cas’s pocket at the sound of the doorbell. A tall thin man in a tailcoat opened the door.  
“Hello sir. May I ask what your business is at this estate is?” The man said. “The young master doesn’t approve of uninvited guests and this is a party we are hosting after all.” As the man spoke the cat in Cas’s pocket poked his head out.  
“Is that a, is that a, a, a cat?” the man said as his face took on a look of shock. The man took the cat from Cas’s pocket. “Such soft fur. Perfectly round pads. Yes, this cat is truly perfection.” The man continued to talk about cat perfection and began rubbing the cat against his face.   
“Um, may I have my cat back?” Cas grunted.  
“Apologies.” The man said as he placed the cat gingerly into Cas’s arms. “One moment. I will ask the young master if you may come in.” The man closed the door and left Cas waiting. A few minutes passed then the man came back to the door.  
“The young master said to go in through the back door. Not to worry I will lead you there.” The man stepped outside and motioned for Cas to follow. The man lead Cas to the back door. He followed the man through the back door and into the kitchen.   
“I shall prepare the kitten some milk, you just wait here.” The man said as he grabbed a bowl from the cabinet. He placed it on the floor and poured milk into it. “Please wait here.” The man said with a bow. He left the room. Cas sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and placed the cat on the floor to drink.  
“What to name the cat.” Cas released a sigh. “Hmmm. What about SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1? (yes with the exclamation points and ones)” As soon as Cas said that the cat leapt into Cas’s arms and purred. “AHH NO PLEASE DON’T KILL ME NOOOO” Cas screeched as he fell backwards. The chair hit the floor with a crash.  
“What’s the commotion!” The man said as he rushed in, a young boy with an eye patch at his side.  
“Tend to any wounds he may have,” the boy said to the man.  
“Yes my lord” The man replied. He helped Cas up. He checked him over for wounds and found none. “he appears to be alright, just minor discomfort.” The man said.  
“Good. Now, tell me stranger, how did you get here?” The boy with the eye patch said.  
“I dunno” Cas said. “I found this cat and then boom I was here”  
“You do realize that you are three dimensional in a two dimensional dimension of dimensions right?” The boy said.  
“Really?” Cas said as he looked down in admiration at his arm, then at the surrounding area. “Dammit I’m in anime land again”  
RANDOM FLASHBACK FROM I DUNNO WHEN WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Cas: Wow why is there a big ass city decorated with cartoony skulls  
Random Person: Because science  
Cas: wow I must be in anime land  
Random Person: Yep  
RANDOM FLASHBACK OVERRRR  
“Make this man some biscuits and beans with hotdogs Sebastian, that was a gripping tale.” The boy said.  
“Yes my lord.” Sebastian said.   
“How do you make biscuits with beans and hotdogs?” Cas asked.  
“Well it’s simple” Sebastian said. “first you gotta fuckin peel the wrapper off, then you gotta press a spoon against the seal (and figuring this part out was hard btw) then the thing GOES OFF LIKE A FUCKING GUNSHOT AND YOU SCREAM OH FUCK AND BREATHE HARD AS YOU PLACE THE BISCIUTS ON THE TRAY BECAUSE ITS SO STARTLING”  
”then of course you must prepare the beans and "weenies," i think you Americans call them”  
“first you place the package of unopened frozen hot dogs in the microwave”  
“then cry when the package explodes”  
“After that you pull the popped package of perplexing pweenies out of the pfucking pmicrowave and pfucking pcut pthose pweenies”  
“then of course you must prepare the beans”  
“first you retrieve the can opener from the fucking dead body where you killed that one fucker that ciel told you to kill”  
“then you open the god damn beans with the bloody can opener (be careful not to spill blood in the beans) and CRANK THE FUCK OUTTA THAT CAN OPENER CUZ ITS PROLLY RUSTY SUM SHIT FROM BEING IN A DEAD BODY IDK THEN YOU POUR THOSE GOD DAMN BEANS IN THE MOTHAFUCKIN POT THEN COOK EM ON HEAT LEVEL 2 THEN YOU FUCKIN STIR THOSE GOD DAMN BEANS ONCE IN A WHILE MMM YEAH WHEN THEY'RE DONE ADD THE pfucking HOT DOGS THEN FUCKIN EAT DAT SHIT MMMMMMMM”  
“Seems like a challenge.” Cas said as he blew on the spoonful of hot beans.  
“Not at all, I am merely one hell of a butler,” Sebastian said with a small smile. Cas continued to eat while Sebastian and the young master watched. The rest of the kitchen staff flowed into the kitchen and also watched. Then a large crane came down and demolished the top of the house and built Yankee stadium around them. Then the stadium filled up to max capacity just to watch Cas eat beans. Cas finished his food.  
“Welp thanks for the beans. Now that I know I’m in anime land I know how to get out. See ya guys later” Cas said as he scooped up his cat. Cas exited anime land through the last panel of the manga and flew back to the bunker, cradling his cat.  
LATER THAT DAY (OH NO)  
ACHOO  
ACHOO ACHOO  
ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
WHERE’S THE CAT  
Chuck: Did you really add characters from an anime into the story?  
Lucifer: Yes. I’M ADDICTED *sobs*  
Chuck: Jeez, first you write fanfic about real people then you add anime characters. Get a life jeez.  
Lucifer: *throws lightning bolt at Chuck* Don’t judge my life choices *cries over anime characters*


	5. Cas Gets in a Fight (part 3 of The Cat Triology)

Cas woke up to the sound of Netflix blasting on the tv at over 9000 percent.  
“Oh boy, I left Supernatural running while I was asleep,” Cas muttered groggily. “Oh well I guess I’ll go back a few hundred episodes.” Cas got out of bed and went down the stairs to see SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1 but couldn’t find him.  
Dean stepped down the stairs in his Hello Kitty footie pajamas. He yawned and stretched. (cue fangirls fainting over Jensen Ackles’s chest [Wait who’s that?])  
“Dean do you know where SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1 is? I can’t find him anywhere.” Cas said as he looked for SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1 in the dishwasher.  
“In the pit bro. I’m allergic to cats so I decided to take executive action and get rid of it. Sorry.” dean said as he made a bowl of (insert cereal name here)eos (I KNOW THIS IS OUT OF CHARACTER FOR A WINCHESTER BUT I DON’T WANNA HAVE 33 MILLION CHAPTERS AND NEEDED TO MOVE THINGS ALONG CUZ WINCHESTERS LIE SO FUCKING MUCH SO I WAS LIKE MAN HE’S NOT GONNA LIE THIS TIME AND JUST FACE THE MUSIC THX FOR READING MY RAGEEEEE FOOTNOTES THEY’RE FUN TO WRITE [WOOHOO FOURTH WALL BREAK {FOOTNOTECEPTION}])  
“By the way I’m taking your car,” Cas said as he ran out of the bunker. Cas drove for miles until he found that one church where Lucifer’s cage opened. Cas opened the door to the pit and jumped in.  
MAGICAL POV SWITCH CUZ I DO WHAT I WANT  
I EVEN HAVE A PERMIT  
__________________________ 

|I can do what I want.______|  
|-Satan____________________|  
|__________________________|  


Lucifer woke up to the sound of Michael’s vessel (what was his name again?) screaming. Lucifer strolled around- WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS ME IMMA WRITE ABOUT MYSELF IN FIRST PERSON!!! So anyways I walked around for awhile and thought about candy and butterflies and bloody murderous death. (Ya’know the usual stuff) HEY DON’T INTERRUPT ME STUPID FOOTNOTES I’M WRITING HERE (I do what I want bro) YOU WANNA FIGHT!? (No thanks you’d lose now gimmie my goddamn cat.) WAIT. CASTIEL!? HOW DID YOU GET HERE!?4 (Someone had to write today’s episode.) THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY JOB! (You were a day late. If you’re a day late I get to do it.) HEY NO FAIR I HAD ALOT OF CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK. (Jeez man keep your voice down. Some people have sensitive ears. And also take a bath you smell like sardine.) You little. Why I oughta, you’re never getting this cat back! (I’ll just write you out then.) You can’t do that to me! I’m the author! (Not anymore bitch.)  
XxX__XxX_TH3_L0RD_XxX__XxX has joined the chat.  
{sup guys how’s it going} WTF DAD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE {I can do what I want I’m God.} (Hey dad.) WHEN DID THIS SIMPLE STORY BECOME A CHATROOM FIC?!?!?!?!?! {lol i think lucifers pissed} (lol yea tru dat) HEY PUT YOUR GRAMMAR BACK YOU BIG MEANIES I’LL GET COMPLAINTS! (lol yep pissed as fuck) {we should add others. and also fix this damn format it sucks} (here i got this pop)  
WOW MAGIC  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: You guys suck  
cas_will_rule_yo_ass: nah ur salty  
XxX__XxX_TH3_L0RD_XxX__XxX: addin moar ppl  
Moose5 has joined the chat  
Totes_not_bi has joined the chat  
Darealkingofhellcuzfucklucifer has joined the chat  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat has joined the chat  
fries_r_gr8 has joined the chat  
and_pizza_too has joined the chat  
Moose5: why is my name different  
Totes_not_bi: yea me too  
Darealkingofhellcuzfucklucifer: oh no reason *maniacal laughter*  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: WHAT IS THIS BECOMING  
fries_r_gr8: calm down lucifer you always were a snot nosed brat  
satan_rules_the_z_is_intentional: who even is that? Death?  
and_pizza_too: yep lol  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: why do you have 2 accounts  
fries_ r_gr8: because i couldn’t decide between fries and pizza so i chose both  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: who is ha_ur_mum_is_fat  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: i’m pepe beyotch  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: who  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: nah jk i’m adele  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: still not following  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: Hello.  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: It’s Me.  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: fuk u  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: trololololo!  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: SPEAK FUCJKING ENGLISH DAMNIT  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: hey Moose5 sup dude  
Moose5: who r u  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: percy mothafuckin jackson  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: jk  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: but hey i’ll add him  
Seaw33d_brain has joined the chat  
Seaw33d_brain: sup guys lmao  
Totes_not_bi: whothefuck  
Seaw33d_brain: sup  
XxX__XxX_TH3_L0RD_XxX__XxX: gotta go manage the world and all guys cya  
cas_will_rule_yo_ass: cya  
XxX__XxX_TH3_L0RD_XxX__XxX has left the chat  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: GAHHH WHY MUST YOU ALL RUIN MY LIFE AND ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS ha_ur_mum_is_fat!?  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: GABRIEL DEAR BROTHER!!!!!  
and_pizza_too: gotta go guys my mom is here to take me to Chuck-E-Cheese  
fries_r_gr8 has left the chat  
and_pizza_too has left the chat

satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!!!!!  
cas_will_rule_yo_ass: lol its funny to get lucy mad  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: shhhh he doesn’t know we call him that behind his back  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: forget it im fuckin out  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional has left the chat  
cas_will_rule_yo_ass: no get back here you assbutt i need my cat  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional has joined the chat  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: wtf dude  
Totes_not_bi: yea man we can’t have cats im allergic  
cas_will_rule_yo_ass: fine keep the damn cat just remember his name is SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional: k  
satan_rulez_the_z_is_intentional has left the chat  
Moose5 has left the chat  
Totes_not_bi has left the chat  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat: time for me to go too  
ha_ur_mum_is_fat has left the chat  
Seaw33d_brain: what do i do now?  
Darealkingofhellcuzfucklucifer: those bastards left me here alone with this person!  
Darealkingofhell has left the chat  
Seaw33d_brain: Q_Q

 

Lucifer: Man those guys suck.  
Chuck: I think it was kinda impressive that you kept a cat and a camera while the world had become one large chatroom.  
Lucifer: eh i’ve done better  
Chuck: *sighs, slowly sips coffee*


	6. Dean finds the cat (part 2 of 3 of The Cat Triology)

After coming back from anime land, Cas began to head back to the bunker. He cuddled his cat as he walked in the door.   
“Come on SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1, it’s time to meet Sam and Dean.” Cas said as he stepped down the last step. (I would like to point out that Cas slipped on a banana peel and didn’t even flinch (liek a baws) while walking down the stairs so there is a reason for Sam and Dean to be in the main room instead of asleep.) As soon as Cas stepped off the stairs and onto the floor Dean started sneezing. His nose turned into a faucet and mucus started pouring out.   
“Dean are you okay?” Sam asked.   
“Yes I’m fine” Dean said. “I just need to sleep is all”  
“Okay” Sam said. “Cas is that a cat?”  
“Yes and his name is (JOHN CENAAAAAAAAAAAAA DOOT DO DO DOOOO, DOOT DO DO DOOOOOOO) SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1”  
“Awesome“ Sam said. Sam went to the kitchen and grabbed a bowl and poured milk in the bowl. SUPER CHEESE OVERLORD9000!!!11!!!1 sauntered over to the bowl and began to drink.   
“Well I guess that settles it then,” Sam said. “Night Cas.” Sam walked out of the kitchen. Cas bent down and stroked his cat one last time before heading off to his room to binge watch a new show he’d found on Netflix called Supernatural   
Later that night Dean tiptoed from his room. He walked into the main room and found the cat curled up on a chair.  
“Little bastard making me become a walking mucus faucet why I oughta” Dean grumbled as he pulled out a large hammer labelled “ACME.” He brought the hammer down on the cat. The cat NOPE YA KNOW WHAT NOPE IMMA JUST SAY THIS HE DID THE CARTOON THING WITH THE HAMMER THEN THERE WAS A CAT DENT THEN IT WAS FIXED THERE.   
“What the hell” Dean said has he dropped the hammer. He pulled out a stick of dynamite also labelled ACME and THEN THE SAME THING HAPPENED LIKE IT DID IN OLD CARTOONS JEEZ PEOPLE HAVE IMAGINATIONS THANKS. Dean picked up the cat.  
“Well I guess we gotta resort to other means.” Dean said as he grabbed a grocery bag and put the cat in it so that his head was poking out (jeez I’m not an animal abuser) Dean picked up the grocery bag and went to the car. He drove to the nearest pet shop.  
“hiya sir what the fuck do you want cuz it’s 3am and I need my sleep” the cashier said as Dean broke down the door.   
“Take this cat” Dean said  
“There’s only a plastic bag there” The cashier stammered.  
“There’s a cat in it!” Dean shouted. “Just take the cat!”  
“Ok I’m calling the cops, the polizia, the popo, the fuzz, the coppers, the donut eaters, the blue boys, the lawmen, the bobbys, the badges” *Shake your Euphemism by the Blue Man Group plays.* The cashier began dancing and singing.   
“Uh, I’ll just show myself out” Dean said. Dean left the store. He then went on to check every other pet store and they all did the exact same thing. Soon Dean was leading a parade of Blue Man Group cosplayers singing Shake Your Euphemism.   
As the night went on soon Dean came across Crowley in the large mob.   
“Crowley?!” Dean said as he kept leading the march. Crowley was wearing a blue mask and beating two pvc pipes together.  
“Don’t judge a good song mate,” Crowley said as he noticed the plastic bag with the cat. “whatcha got there mate?” Crowley joined Dean at the head of the Posterior Parade “Say is that a cat?” Crowley grabbed the cat and cuddled it a bit. “This cat reeks of angel and-” Crowley sniffed deep “anime? Boy what is that angel of yours up to in his free time.”  
“No idea. But will you take the cat because I’m allergic to it and I’m miserable” Dean said with a half sob half Nickelodeon sliming.  
“I can’t take it but you could always throw it in the pit” Crowley suggested as he munched on a Posterior Parade corndog (yes it was shaped like a butt)  
“Good idea!” Dean said as he handed Crowley the Butt Baton. Lead the parade. Dean ran off with the cat back to the Impala. He climbed in and drove to that one cemetery where Sam, Lucifer, and Michael fell in the pit.  
“Hasta la vista kitty” Dean said as he opened the pit. He tossed the cat in then unwrapped a Posterior Parade lollipop. All in a day’s work.  
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?  
WILL LUCIFER AND MICHAEL KILL THE KITTY?  
WILL CROWLEY SURVIVE THE POSTERIOR PARADE?  
WILL CAS EVER FINISH SUPERNATURAL ON NETFLIX?  
ALL TO BE ANSWERED IN PART 3!  
Lucifer: That’s a wrap!  
Chuck: Wait you’re gonna end the series there?  
Lucifer: Yes because i gotta go back to the pit because self insertion issues.  
Chuck: kbye hope you enjoy the onslaught of 3 fans you have that will destroy you for not giving them part 3  
Lucifer: whatever i have a kitty now.  
Chuck: Here have a camera you can record what happens and then can write about it later incomplete stories bug the crap out of me  
Lucifer: Thanks pops


	7. Cas has Thanksgiving Dinner

Cas woke up to the smell of turkey cooking. The smell of turkey filled him with determination. Cas got up and went in the kitchen.  
“Eh what’s cookin’ Dean?” Cas said as he walked into the kitchen.  
“Turkey!” Dean said as he started making pumpkin pie. “This is the first time me and Sammy have had a kitchen in, well, forever.” (cue sobbing fans)   
“We even invited some guests, some of them are even back from the dead! The reason for that of course is that we invited Chuck, and Chuck is God,” Sam said from across the kitchen.   
Later that day Cas heard a knock on the door. He heard Dean yell something at him about getting the door, and how he was busy and Cas really needed to get the door. Sam also started yelling at Cas about how Cas needed to get the door but Cas was lazy and decided to continue to watch Netflix until finally it was about five-o-clock and Cas decided that he had procrastinated long enough and it was time to get the door.   
“Fucking idjit,” Bobby said as he spit out an ice cube. “answer the fuckin door next time or I’ll rip your god damn balls of.” Bobby said as he walked in.   
“Now, Cas, is that any way to treat your favorite brother?” Gabriel said as he walked in.  
“Now, Cas, is that any way to treat your favorite brother?” Balthazar said as he walked in.  
“Since you took so long I conquered the anthill in the front yard. The ants are now my slaves and I will train them to be an army and we shall rise up and conquer humanity, ” Lucifer said as he walked in.  
“Hey Cas! So I found out you discovered Netflix so I figured I’d share all of my geek knowledge with you!” Charlie said as she walked in.  
“Hey son, I will write about this you know. And then I will use my massive Tumblr following to embarrass you,” Chuck said as he walked in.   
“I can’t believe I deciphered those tablets for you Cas,” Kevin said as he walked in.   
“Who are you?” John said as he walked in.  
“Ungrateful fuck,”Michael said as he walked in.  
“Well I think that’s everyone,” Cas said as he closed the door.  
“heywaitaminutewhataboutmeeee”  
Everyone sat down at the table and was about to dig in when-  
“HEY SAY YOUR PRAYERS AND GRACE AND SHIT THIS IS A CIVILIZED MEAL. AND ALSO NO FUCKING SWEARING AT THE FUCKING GOD DAMN TABLE, GOT THAT FUCKERS?” Chuck screamed. He shuddered at the utter lack of disrespect then forced everyone to say grace. After they all did that, the thanksgiving meal began.  
“Hey why do we have to sit at the kids table?!” Gabriel and Balthazar whined in unison.  
“Because you guys can’t stop arguing about who loves Castiel more so just chill ya’ll” Dean said with a mouthful of pumpkin pie.  
“Dean eat some turkey before you eat the pie, I thought I raised you better,” John said. Sam giggled behind his napkin.   
“Heehee Dean you got yelled at,” Sam said as he continued to giggle.   
Meanwhile John and Bobby were deep in conversation about the best way to kill a werewolf. Michael and Lucifer were almost at war being at opposite ends of the table. Lucifer had a turkey leg as a makeshift sword, whilst Michael had engineered a catapult to launch peas with his spoon, fork, and a napkin. Dean was talking with Charlie about general stuff, mostly about Cas and how he looked stupid a majority of the time. Sam was talking with Kevin about school. (ew gross school) Chuck was scribbling story ideas on the tablecloth with a pen that had golden colored ink.   
And then there was Gabriel and Balthazar. They were planning on having a contest of seeing who could eat the most, but then they realized that they didn’t really need to eat, so they decided to squabble about who liked Cas better, and then who was liked better by Cas.   
After the meal everyone was sitting around talking and jesting and pretty much having a good time, then the whole place exploded.  
The End

Chuck: You can’t end a story like that!  
Lucifer: I can do what I want it’s myyyyyyy story.  
Chuck: Need I remind you that whatever happens when you type comes true?  
Lucifer: *exasperated sigh* fineeeeee

After the meal everyone was sitting around talking and jesting and pretty much having a good time, then everyone who was supposed to be dead disappeared. Michael and Lucifer were whisked back to from whence they came, leaving Sam, Dean, and Cas with a lot of leftovers.  
The End

Lucifer: There you happy now damnit?  
Chuck: Yes I am satisfied with that ending.  
Lucifer: Great now stop bugging me jeez.


End file.
